Thursday, April 25, 2013

my world

My world has been turned upside down in the best possible way.  I have twin boys and I have absolutely no idea what to do 80% of the time.  I love it. 
Gideon and Maximus are 3 months old and at their last appointment they had both made the charts for their actual age in weight and head circumference.  Gideon was almost at 10 lb. and Maximus was over 10 lb. 
They eat 4 oz every 3 hours but will go about 4-5 hours at night.  That’s pretty much where their schedule begins and ends.  They sleep so much during the day that I just let them sleep.  Play time usually turns into crying time because they both like to be held when awake.  This is part of that 80% where I have no idea what to do when this happens.
I attempted to hold both of them at the same time the other day by using the BrestFriend pillow, and we got stuck.  I almost had to call my neighbor/friend Amber to come help me get them down to safer ground.
I truly feel like they just came from heaven.  They are so special and my heart feels as if it’s going to burst at times. 
I’ve had people ask if it’s healing.
I knew all along that a baby is not going to replace the pain.  It won’t replace him.  It won’t erase the trauma that still creeps into my mind at times. 
But it brought about a joy that is riding alongside this journey with my pain. 
The boys have been doing great with very few health concerns.  Gideon still has a small hole in his heart but the cardiologist is not worried.  It is in a muscular area which should most likely grow back.  He is also still on his apnea monitor which I am surprised I haven’t thrown through the window yet.  He should be getting off of it this month due to no more episodes.
Max is free of health concerns.  He tends to be the one that thrives more quickly while Gideon isn’t one to show off. 
Max has actually rolled over a handful of times starting at about 2 months old. It is usually out of defiance when placed on his tummy.
Our pediatrician told us to still stay inside with no toddlers coming near them until their 4 month appointment.  This has been extremely difficult but then I guess going to target with 2 babies, one being on an apnea monitor that goes off randomly for no reason, might be kind of difficult too. 
I actually googled “how to take twins to Walmart.”
People have been so great and I am so thankful.  I have a huge pile of thank you cards sitting on my table that I work on every time I get a moment.  My issue is finding all the addresses now.  Just know that if you haven’t received one that you are not overlooked.  I am just a hot mess right now but will iron this out shortly. 
Max and Gidoen:
You are loved beyond words not just by me, but more importantly by your heavenly Father whom I am confident just sent you to me.  I see you staring around your room and I am sure you see your angels.  This world can be scary, the unknown is scary, but no matter the outcome, we have assurance in heaven.  Everyday I pray that whatever our journey is, your lives will be used to bring glory to His name.