I was discussing with a close friend of mine tonight about the deep yearning in my heart to see my baby boy again. I can smell him, I can hear his raspy voice, I can feel his oddly large hands, I can remember the joy in my heart when he gives me his big toothy grin with eyes squinting and all.
I've never felt this kind of longing before, but I should have. I am slowly realizing that this is the exact longing that Jesus desires from me. I've always known the verse "We live by faith, not by sight" but it has suddenly hit home. A little too hard.
Heaven has always been exciting to think about. I've always been excited when thinking about seeing my Savior face to face. But I don't recall ever having the heart wrenching ache where my whole body is physically and emotionally longing to see Him.
This is where the faith comes in, and not so much the sight. I was able to see Tucker. I physically felt him. I heard his voice. I didn't have to experience him through faith because he was there. Jesus on the other hand requires a great deal of faith to experience him.
Even though I have not physically seen Jesus with my eyes, He is there. I have not physically touched him, but He is there. As He is revealing Himself more and more to me, my heart is beginning to ache to see Him in a way I never knew was possible.
So this is my desire. Just in case you're interested.
I desire to long to see my Savior. Until that day comes, I will continue to try to live each day with a little more faith than the last.
Hi Amy I know its been a while, a long while. I just wanted to say if there is anything I can do at all please just let me know. I know what your going through and where you are coming from. I myself have lost 2 sons. And though my situation is very different from yours for the fact that I didn't get to spend as much time with my babies it is still a very traumatic situation. I am here when you need me no mater what time it is just let me know. You all are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteStacy Burr Thacker
Challenging thoughts, friend. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for putting into words so perfectly the longing Jesus has for us to desire Him. A crisis that pierces our heart has a way of opening our eyes to how He sees us. Praying for you. Leslie Patterson, Aldersgate
ReplyDeleteThe Lord lead me to your blog today, I have never met you nor do I know anyone who knows you, but God led me to you. I prayed a prayer for you and your family today. I CAN NOT even begin to imagine your thoughts and feelings and hurt as I am a mother to a 7 month old and this is my greatest fear. I am astonished at your faith and amazed at God's work through your greiving heart you have found strength. I feel as God is leading me to be stronger in my faith and have this longing for God that you just put into words. I was raised in church and I feel as sometimes I just go through the motions in my walk with the Lord. My prayer is that I will stop and take time for God to speak to me and use me in mighty ways. I just wanted you to know that Tucker's story has touched my life and made me aware of the longing for Jesus that I need. I will strive to pray for your family and you in the days ahead. Thank you for sharing your handsome Tucker's sweet life and his returning to Jesus. Tears were in my eyes as I read.
ReplyDeleteGod led me to Psalm 27:4 this morning, and then I thought of you ... and prayed for you. "One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple." Your one desire is for the Lord, and His one desire is for you. Cling to Him in these days of heartache and loneliness to see and feel Tucker. That longing will come, and on that glorious day when Jesus and Tucker meet you at heaven's gate ... there will be no more questions and pain, only JOY!
ReplyDelete