So this past week has been unexpected. That pretty much sums up life right now but I'm okay with that. I've managed to turn 29 years old, babysit my newest nephew Ven in the ER while doctors tried to figure out what was wrong with my sister, take Ven to his first pediatric appointment, admit Ven into Washington Regional due to jaundice, pray hard for God to heal my sister, attend baby Meryn's memorial service in Little Rock, make it through Mother's Day without my little boy, and then praise God for healing my sister so she could spend mother's day with her little boy.
There were times when I would sit there almost saying "really God" but then I envisioned Him saying back "yes, really Amy."
That book I am reading, What Women Fear, Angie talks about Job's response to God, but what is even funnier is God's response to Job's response. God responded to Job, "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?"
There were a lot of triggers this past week. But life still went on. I continued to breathe, I continued to wake up each morning, I continued to laugh at times, I continued to cry at times, I continued to pray, I continued to ask God to be near. He continues to be faithful so I am trying my hardest to do the same.
If you have been around us lately, it is hard to escape a conversation where we have the whole group talking about heaven. God has been revealing himself to us in ways that I never experienced before. There used to be a disconnect when thinking of heaven and what it "might" be like and how it "most likely" will be really great. He has opened our eyes through books we have read, dreams He has given us, and just plain showing up when we ask Him.
I have gone back and tried to read some of my posts with an unbeliever perspective. Just in case there are any out there. I think the hardest part to grasp is how can I remain faithful when I prayed for Him to specifically not take my son, and He still did. Honestly, I don't have an answer for that.
All I know is that this is not our home, and I have never been so thankful for that.
Amy,
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your blog and have been consistently praying for you. My heart has broken for you and yet I have been amazed at how faithfully you have let God hold you through this awful time. How many times I have thought of you and wished I could help in some way. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you Sara...prayers are definitely being felt :)
DeleteAmy, Thanks for your continued transparency of heart as days move along since Tucker's homegoing. Your thoughts are so true as we learn to loosely hold onto material things here in view of the certainty of Hope we have here. You have reflected that it isn't just material things we give up, but more importantly those we love. We struggle with God's Sovereign work but learn to accept what He is doing to accomplish His Glory and purpose. We are thankful that God is working through both of you to bring Glory to Himself because of His work in little Tucker's life. We love and pray for you and family. Jerry & Brenda
ReplyDeleteLove you guys....thanks for the encouragment Jerry
DeleteThere's a group of parents who have experienced your level of loss, grief, and hope during the waiting to be reunited. It's a group that has the opportunity to share each others' grief, support each other in the waiting, and realize that they're not alone in the wait. You can find this group a couple of places: www.thesullivanfour.blogspot.com and on fb: while we're waiting. I think you and Nathan could both benefit from and help others by joining in conversation with each other. I've been waiting to share these groups with you, Amy--not sure why, but now seens like the right time. Your blog posts are encouraging, inspiring,honest, and gut wrenching all at the same time. They're real, and that's what others need to know and hear....
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this...I will go look at it right now
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