*December* (Yes I know it's February)

Here are the first few weeks of our little man's life. These were also the hardest weeks of our lives. Not going to sugar coat it. He did not sleep at night. Not only did he not sleep but he wanted to scream a lot. The practical thing to do would be to sleep during the day while he was sleeping. But I couldn't help but stare at his precious little face and take a million too many pictures of him while he was not crying. So this caused me to become a walking zombie. And at night I was just a plain crazy person.

Thankfully, he figured it out. I woke up panicked one morning at 4 am realizing that he has been asleep for 6 whole hours and has not woken up to eat. I did what everyone tells you that you are going to do. I got down by his swing and just stared at him for 5 minutes straight watching his chest rise up and down. He was breathing and he has been breathing ever since.

Tucker's first smile :)

His converse shoes that Minnie made for him

Tucker's BFF Asa

Then there were three

Cousins first Christmas

No matter how sleep deprived you are, nothing can warm your heart more than that precious face. :)

I'm Back...

I am absolutely THRILLED to say that our little bubby Tucker Hill is now blessing us with his presence in our lives. :) He was born on December 8th which makes him not quite a month old yet. He is absolutely precious and we can't get enough of him. You would think I would post a picture of him right here and I was actually going to until I realized I am on my work laptop where there are no pictures of him to post. I am committing to becoming better at blogging (esp. since my sister pretty much said my blog was an epic fail) so there will be pictures soon.

Labor. Really tough. I blame it on my sister. I witnessed her go through a pain free, laughing out loud, watching a basketball game labor with BOTH sons. Obviously she had an epidural and obviously I was totally sold on having THAT. In fact, throughout my pregnancy that was the one thing I did in fact know for sure about. Anytime a doctor asked about my birth plan....the only thing I would say was "epidural."

Nathan and I get to the hospital about 2:30 in the morning. This is after I sat in bed for a little while trying to convince myself that maybe just maybe these were contractions that I was feeling. By the time I got there I was at a 5. I politely asked for my epidural and they politely said that a "few" things needed to happen first such as paper work, lab results, delivery room availability, anesthesiologist to wake up....before I could get it. Okay...thinking I guess I can handle this pain a little while longer.

Then things got painful. And I mean everything you just learned in birthing class over the past two months and breathing exercises that we were supposed to be practicing just in case you decided not to go the epidural route....allll goes out the window. I found that my only coping mechanism was to grab the hospital bed rails with both hands and quit breathing in hopes that maybe I would pass out and not have to deal with the pain anymore. Poor Nathan was amazing, but at that point I would just start shaking my head every time he went into the "hee-hee-hoos."

So the nurse decides to check me again. I saw the look of shock and somewhat panic on her face as she said "umm...you're at a 10." For some reason I progressed crazy fast and the anesthesiologist was still no where to be found.

I DID finally get my epidural. I barely made it and by the grace of God I was able to relax and enjoy giving birth to my son. It's almost humorous now looking back at how I just thought you would go in and they would give you an epidural immediately upon request. You would laugh and take pictures....maybe even apply some makeup and fix your hair so you can be one of those girls who everyone says "wow...you look great giving birth!"

And to all my friends who are planning on the natural birth, you will be great! I am not great at pain. Everyone knows this about me. I had no intention of feeling a muscle cramp throughout labor and delivery. When God said that child birth was going to be painful for women, He was not messing around. But he also says that He will not give us anything that we cannot handle. And that's just great.

So that is the process of Tucker making his grand entrance. Nothing can prepare you for that moment when you first see him, touch him, hear him...something literally transforms inside of you and nothing else matters but this little being that you have become so close to over the past 10 months.

I am excited to start blogging again and sharing our stories as we are trying to figure out mommy and daddy hood. And next time....there will be pictures. :)

Overwhelmed.

I officially feel like I am the worst mom and I am not even a mom yet. I think about everything that I need to do everyday. I make lists. I look at endless amounts of "baby things" online everyday. And I still have not done a thing. I went to some consignment sale in rogers the other night thinking that this is finally it. I am finally going to start purchasing baby items and this whole thing is going to seem that much more real to me. It was a nightmare. Obviously I could not take on this challenge by myself so I asked my so much more experienced at everything in life sister to go with me.

The second I walked in, I didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure if we were supposed to start running like it was a black friday sale or if we just casually browsed through things. I realized it was in between crazy and casual. By the time I had this figured out, my sister already had about three items in her hands and then before I knew it she was out of my sight. She left me on the aisle with those things you put babies in that vibrate and shake. My only knowledge of this device was from a Sex and the City episode where it literally saved Miranda's life because her baby would not stop crying. I decided what if my baby does that and this is my life saving device, so I stared at it for about five minutes. I pressed buttons, I checked for tears, I looked around panicked realizing that five more minutes just went by.

I finally realized I needed advice, so I set out to find my sister. Along the way I realized that these people are professionals. By this point everybody had laundry baskets (no one told me you were supposed to bring things like this) full of items. Along the way I come across strollers, high chairs, clothes and more clothes. Finally, I found her. She was one of those people. At this point she had about three more items (six total) and was working her way through a pile of something. I told her about the thing you put babies in that vibrates. Before I got done explaining all that it does and how this is what Meredith used in Sex and the City, she told me to hurry and go get it.

As I made my way back over there, I started getting excited about my first baby purchase. I stared at it for five more minutes and then went and got the woman in green so that she could mark it as sold for me. She was about to put the tag on it when I began asking 20 questions. She was very helpful and patient with me. She guessed that this was my first baby and I told her this was also my first purchase for the baby. I am still not sure exactly what she said, but I decided after talking to her I should not purchase it. Keep in mind, I can be talked out of anything.

I went to try to find my sister again feeling defeated. She asked me where it was and I told her sadly that I was talked out of it. My sister knows me too well and was able to talk me back into it in two seconds. Keep in mind I can usually be talked into things too. She knows this. So I go back. My mom calls right when I am picking up the vibrating thing that you put babies in to let me know there is a tornado on the ground. (She does this a lot). I told her about my purchase, and for some reason I felt talked out of it again. I hung up once again feeling defeated.

I went out to find my sister again, growing fully aware of how much stuff everyone seems to have in their laundry baskets at this point. She asked me if I got it and I had to tell her no. This time it was mom that made me feel talked out of it. This is when she decided it is time to go with me to look at this thing. She tells me it is a good deal and I will absolutely love it. After staring at it for a little bit longer, she then made a comment about how maybe I could just have her old one. That did it for me. There was no way I was going to purchase this thing you put babies in that vibrates.

By this point it was about time to go. I decided to just glance at a few things to see if any of the professional baby shoppers left me anything. I found a pair of black maternity leggings from target that were $3.00. I almost bought them and then decided that it would be even more depressing to walk away with leggings for me when I came to shop for my little one.

So I sat in a chair while my sister purchased all of her items and called Nathan to let him know that I was not getting anything for baby Tucker.

Which brings me to my next big news.....:)

We have decided on a name. Tucker Alan Hill. :) That is the first time I typed it.

Several of you probably have quit reading at this point so I will be sure to announce it in my next blog so you don't miss out.

Thanks for caring :)

One Year Anniversary

Today we celebrated our one year wedding anniversary. I love today and what it represents to us. I love that I am able to love someone so unconditionally. I love that I have a huband who is still in love with me after a thirteen year long journey. I love that we are going to have a son that will grow up to be like his father. I love that God knew from day one that this was going to happen and has been a part of us ever since.

I would love to go on about the details of today but I'm exhausted and would love to go to bed.

Thanks for caring though :)

Look at me I titled a post

I finally had my first breakdown of tears for absolutely no apparent reason (I'm pregnant remember). Poor Nathan comes home from work simply to eat lunch and supervise a worker that was installing a shelf in our house. Right when I was about to go work out and in the process of looking for my earphones, he was about to give me a hug and asked if I was okay.

My response: I suddenly burst into tears and fell in his arms. I'm sure he was completely mortified, given that I really just don't cry that much, but I married a good one and he did an excellent job at making me feel like bawling over lost earphones was completely normal and understandable.

My conclusion: stop watching back to back episodes of pregnancy shows which all happened to be delivered by C section that day.

Right now we are in the process of "brainstorming" names for our little man. God had a sense of humor in pairing the two most indecisive people together in holy matrimony. So far the one name I loved, he hated. The one name I liked, he loves. And then there is one name that we both like a lot. I'm not sure what the time line is to name your child, there's actually a lot of things I'm unsure about with this whole pregnancy thing, but I know that God is of this. And that comforts me more than anything.

This picture was taken a week ago at 18 weeks. I swear it's insane what a week can do because my little alien seems to bulging out several inches more now.

My parents decided last second to pack up the car and head to Destin for a family vacation.... minus the family. My only participation in this family vacation is I get to watch their dog Oscar. I think they realized family vacation is not quite the same without the family because she texted yesterday to let us know that the WHOLE family will be going next year. It's funny to think of all the little boys that will be running around with the Carmack clan. We have always been a family of girls and I have absolutely no idea what to expect with boys. Luckily Nathan has that area covered.

I had to get a picture of Lincoln riding our dog Chloe. :) We had Melissa and Jason over for a cookout one night and the kid is a sucker for dogs. What you see Chloe doing right here is pretty much as active as she gets. Sitting in the backyard. The poor thing cherishes her sleep.

In closing, I saw Inception last night. I went into it knowing full well that I was going to come out being completely confused and I was okay with that. I followed it more than I thought I would and actually liked it a lot. So yes, I would recommend.

That's all for now....thanks for caring.

Many of you may have been exposed to my facebook statuses over the course of several years where I express my deep frustrations with my cell phone. Either it doesn't work properly, it randomly goes dead, I leave it places (that's more of a "me" issue). My life has dramatically changed in the last couple of days. Nathan finally bought us the new iphones. Now for the past two years for my birthday he was going to get me an iphone, but there was always some legitimate reason why we should wait. Money, my contract with sprint, and then this past birthday it was that he wanted to wait for the "iphone 4." This meant absolutely nothing to me. I would have been completely content with my first flip phone from the 11th grade.

The first day I got it (his hadn't come in yet) he ended up playing with it more than I even picked it up. He would show me all the "cool" features...he even made me watch a demo awhile back about the phone. I felt intimidated by it. I bought my sister's ipod several years ago and have never downloaded a song because I have no idea how and never thought to ask anyone. I am now a fan of a lot of crazy sounding music that no one has ever really heard of due to the fact that this is my only option on my ipod.

Nathan finally got his phone, and we spent the other night going over every detail to help eliminate my intimidation of this device. He very patiently showed me iTunes and how to download apps, podcasts, and MUSIC! We then decided to play Words With Friends and stayed up until almost 3 in the morning because we just HAD to finish our game. Since then, I have been addicted. I can't quit playing with it...I can't quit playing Words with Friends....I love looking at apps....I actually have music that I really like and is not from 5 years ago.

I know this is all "so several years ago" to a lot of you and seems pretty crazy that I could write an entire post about it, but when thinking about what's going on in my life lately....sadly this is it.

We did get to hang out with the fam at Melissa and Jason's the other night. It was fun seeing their stinkin' cute kiddos which always gets me excited about our future little one. Lincoln is absolutely IN LOVE with "Uncle Na-Na." It melts my heart to see how excited they get to see each other. And little Noah just melts my heart. It was good seeing my dad who just returned from guatamala...and then of course my mom. She has been a life saver to us lately by helping with getting things painted and unpacked in the new house.

And in other exciting news, I now feel like I can leave the house feeling "semi-cute" again thanks to the bags of maternity clothes my sister gave me.

I will now leave you with a picture from my new addiction. This will be a first so let's see if this works.

As you can see....my picture is at the top. Both of them. This explains my incompetence completely.

Thanks for caring.

Still no cable, but we have running water coming from our refrigerator now thanks to the handy plumber who just left. Sadly that is the first exciting thing that has happened today. Not sure where to begin on this post except I feel I should let you in on some important details going on in the old life.
First of all, I am pregnant. :) (This is my favorite thing going on right now) I am due December 13th and we found out last week that it is indeed a boy! The two highlights of my pregnancy so far: 1) That insane feeling that overwhelmed me when I saw the positive on the test...the feeling of wanting to puke, faint, and scream for joy all at the same time. And then God did something to my heart. I began to feel so incredibly blessed in such a different sense that I have not felt before. 2) Seeing Nathan's face when he saw that it was a boy...priceless.
Other thing going on...we just moved into a new house. We actually bought this house which is insane for the girl who has been moving every year of her life since college. It feels crazy putting things in the attic knowing that they will actually be there for several years to come collecting dust. Which then makes me rethink why we even put things in the attic.
So my life this summer has consisted of packing (if you want to call it that). After moving for so many years you would think I had the packing thing down to the wire. But my method is pretty much grab as many things in your arms as you can and throw it in the car. Then repeat. This drove all the type A people in my life crazy as they helped us move. I am very thankful for them though.
We have also been shopping for "things" for the house. This is the true test of your marriage for those who have experienced this. I am happy to say we are still married and we still adore each other.
Lastly, I have been reading. But not a very good book. I can't stand not finishing books so I will suffer through it until it's done. I couldn't even tell you what it's called. I am actually looking for a good devotional right now. So any suggestions would be great (Melissa).
Well that about sums up "important things going on" post. I'm awful at taking pictures, but I know I like to look at pictures so I am guessing others do too. I will try to make that a goal for the next time. Thanks for caring.